I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
