It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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