She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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