should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
