i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
These tits shall not be calmed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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