whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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