bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
