i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
