I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
