yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My pussy is not your playground.
this just has baby written all over it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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