she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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