Sry I called you an 8
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
