I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
