how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish you could order shots online.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
