If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
