There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
