Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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