Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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