He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
only if we run a train.
done.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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