I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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