I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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