well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
