How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
sex in a hospital.. check
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
