am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
