No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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