Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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