I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
