Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
