I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
