She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
