I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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