Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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