You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
