Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
