My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
