I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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