You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
