Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
