i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
