Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
