I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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