I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
