can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
