apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
