listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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