Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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