3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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