Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
