I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
