i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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