Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize