Don't make out with my wife yet
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize