you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
