that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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