Umm I'm too high to move.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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