just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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