it was like eating out sand paper
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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