oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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