She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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