I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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