If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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