Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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