I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I deserve this hangover.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I did not marry a roomba.
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