I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
where does the pee come out of this thing
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize