Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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