I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize