Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize