Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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