I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
