How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
