so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
